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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Making Life Better - Go for what you want.

So how do we make ourselves happy? What things can we change in our lives that will help us live a better life? I often talk about changing the way we think, being able to express and control our emotions, but another key factor in being happy is doing what is best for you.

Sometimes we are stuck making a decision and decide to stay in a situation we are not happy about to please others or because we are scared to make a change. We should not do that. We have one life here on earth and if we do not do the things we want to do, then we will never get to do them.

When making a decision, yes it is important to think of other's feelings, but you must be concerned with your own feelings just as others need to be concerned with themselves.

I will give you an example. I have a friend who I talk to often, and whenever we speak she complains about her job and how unhappy she is. It is really making her life uncomfortable and she has stress because of it. While it would not be a good idea to just pick up and quit, it would be a good idea to start a plan to move on to something more satisfying.

They'll never know, unless it's on your resume!

Why would you want to spend what time you have dreading getting up in the morning and going to work? More than likely the situation will never change and you will drag yourself day after day. There is no reason at all to do that. Take your time, look for another job. Make sure that what you are going to do is something that you are confident about. Just do not take any other job, just to get out of where you are. You might have to look for another job again if you do that. Make a plan, write out your goals.  One day you will be able to change your situation.

Another situation that I can think of is when a person is in an abuse relationship. I have no experience in this subject as far as being in this type of relationship myself, so I cannot say how hard it is to get out of, but I do know people who have been. And I know they say it is very hard to get out of. Yes it may be hard, but it is not IMPOSSIBLE.  If you are in any type of abusive relationship you are not happy, that is a given. People can hope and pray that things will change but it rarely does. You have to make a decision to get a plan in action. Call on friends, on people who can help you. There is no reason in this whole world to stay with a person who does not treat you the way you should be treated. Remember abuse is not only physically, it can be mental and emotional as well.

Make the changes you need to make. Figure out what it is that you do not like about your life and do something to make it better. Plan it out. Think about it often. Dream about it, but change it. Put your plan into action. We all get stuck in a rut. There are times when I feel like things are just not working out the way I want them to work out, but I understand that staying stuck in one place because it is easier in the the solution, it adds to the problem.

And the last point I will make is this. When you are unhappy what happens? You get moody, grumpy and are probably making the people around you unhappy causing unnecessary arguments and stress. I know that when I am in a bad mood I tend to snap at people or send out negative vibes causing others to feel the same. It is not healthy to live like that day after day and there is really no reason too!

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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

How Do I Get My Ex Back?

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If you landed here you most likely had a recent breakup or have been thinking about your ex and are trying to find ways to get them back. As you probably know, there is tons and tons of advice out there with lots of different tips and tactics on trying to win back the heart of your ex. While a lot of the time these tactics might work on getting the attention of your ex, it does not mean that you will be able to create a new long lasting relationship.

The point of having contact with your ex again is not really just for him/her to say hi, though sometimes when you have not heard from them for a while, a simple hi can be very exciting, the point is to be able to be at a point in which you two can communicate again and try to progress to a new level.

I would like to discuss some of the tricks and tactics that I have read about and why I think it might not be the best idea to try to use these tactics.

First I will start with saying that getting back your ex should not be a game. If you love your ex then what you want to do is be with them and have a relationship, what good will really come from playing games? Here is a list of reasons of why I do not believe that you should use any advice you get as a game.

1. Trying to make your ex jealous. I have read many articles telling people that they should try to make your ex jealous. Maybe if they see us with another person then they will rethink the whole situation and want you back. While it is true it may make our ex think a little when they know we are with somebody else, it is not a long term plan and can backfire. Here are some reasons why.

  • For one if you just recently broke up and you ex thinks you are already with another person, they might say wow, maybe I did not mean that much to them anyways. This might make them withdraw even more and it may be harder for them to approach you again.
  • Another thing that may happen is, if they know you really well they might know what you are up to. They may see past your little scheme and realize that you are just trying to make them jealous and they might find that immature and a turnoff.
 2. Another thing I have often read is to tell your ex that you are totally ok, that you have moved on and that you are doing all of these wonderful things without them. The goal of this trick is to make your ex think that they are not that important and that you have your own life. I will say, yes it is very important to be able to be self dependent and do things for yourself. You do want to get to a place in which you can do things on your own and for yourself, but DO NOT lie about it and make up stories so that your ex thinks that you have moved on. Here are some examples of why I think that is not a good idea.
  • First of all, if you go and make up a stories about all of the wonderful things you are now doing since you have broken up then you are starting your communication off with a lie. You are trying to rebuild a new relationship and relationships are built on trust. What is going to happen after you start talking about all these new adventures? You are going to have to continue building on the lie. Really what good will that do? You will eventually have to tell them that you were lying and start another fight, or your ex may realize you were lying and back away again.
  • If they think that you are doing all of these wonderful things now they might start to think to themselves, hmm I wonder why they did not do these things when we were together. Was I holding them back? Are they really better off without me?
3. The "NO CONTACT" rule. I have read about using the no contact rule as something that you must do in order to get back with your ex. I will strongly agree that there should be a period of no contact which I will explain in a bit, but the reasons why I think that there should be a no contact period is a little different than why some people explain. This to some is suppose to make the other person think, wow they have not contacted me, maybe I should call and see what they are up to. Yes that may work, but if they do call and see what you are up to because you have not called or contacted them in a while, and you are still an emotional mess, they are going to be able to tell that and back away again. You know exactly what I mean. I bet you have tried this. You really want your ex to contact you so every single day you fight the urge to call them. You have all these feelings built up inside and have the phone attached to your hand waiting for it to ring or for your text to go off. What do you think will happen once they do call?
  • For one you are going to explode. More than likely you will tell them all about how you are feeling and are going to be an emotional mess. I know the advice tells you that once they contact you again, be cool and act like it is no big deal that they have contacted you, but really, you know as well as I do that if you have been waiting and waiting for your ex to call, and you have not worked on any of your own emotions, being cool is not going to happen.
  • What if you use the no contact rule and you do not hear from them? You try and try not to contact them and then they do not contact you. Then what? Does that mean that they do not care? It is so hard to say. Every person is different and maybe since you have not contacted them they feel like they should not contact you because maybe you do not want to talk to them.
You see this is why I think that we cannot follow tips and tactics to get back with our ex. Games are not going to work when you are trying to build something strong and meaningful. Each person, each relationship is different so how can I or somebody else say what is going to work for you?

Here is the bottom line. Do I think that the above things have to happen in order to get back with a past love? Well yes, they may have to happen. But not as a way to trick your ex into talking to you. You have to do these things for yourself in order to grow and heal.

Should you go out and have a good time, maybe talk with other people. Yes if you are ready then you should. You should do things that you want to do, have experiences that you have not had before, but they should be real and you should be doing them because they are things you want to do, not things you are doing to try to make your ex jealous or so that you could have awesome stories to tell when they finally do contact you.

Should there be a no contact period. I think that there should be. But this time should be used for you to understand your own feelings. Learn about yourself. See what your wants and needs are. You need to allow yourself time to heal. Time to be alone. Start a journal and write out all the pro's and con's of the relationship. What good the relationship did for you, what were the bad points? What you expect if you get back together. Record things that you think you need to work on and then start working on yourself. I believe that it is so important to understand our own feelings. And before you can start a new relationship, whether it is with your ex or with someone new, you have to be emotionally strong. If not, the new relationship is not going to go very far.

Well what if my ex contacts me and I am still upset? Remember it is totally normal to be upset. It might take a really long time to heal. I do not think that it is wrong in any way to express your true feelings. Of course you should not ramble on and on about how much you want them back and how much you need them. Telling them that you can't live without them is going to put to much pressure on them right now and that is not fair to the other person. But letting a person know that they mean something to you and that you care is not a bad thing in my opinion.

If you are killing yourself by not contacting your ex, I say do it. Just get it over with. The more you hold it in, the worse you will feel. Do not contact them a million and one times. If they do not answer, do not continue to text or email. Maybe they are not ready to talk. But showing genuine concern for another and giving respect should not hurt any.

The key here is to build an honest, strong relationship. A new relationship. You both will need time. Work has to be done. No matter what, you  must completely heal before starting again. Yes even though it is the same person, it is a new relationship. Treat it as if they were a different person. Would you want to bring feelings from a past relationship into a new one?

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Monday, July 23, 2012

Click - Do Not Fast Forward Your Life

Live Life to The Fullest

There are many many movies that I have not seen, and every once in a while I will get into a movie kick and watch a bunch of movies. I usually go to the older ones first since they are new to me!

Yesterday I watched the movie Click with Adam Sandler. The reason why I am writing about it today is because though it is a comedy it had a very valuable lesson and it made me think about things.

Adam Sandler is a family man with a wife and two kids. He is very dedicated to his job and loves his family very much. He is very conflicted because his family is wanting to spend time with him but his job is requiring him to be gone most of the time and when he is home he has work to do. His wife is feeling as though he is very distant and the kids are complaining about all the promises he has made but has not fulfilled.

His house is filled with remote controls that control various things. One for the TV one for the garage, toys, fans etc.. He is always picking up the wrong remote and getting frustrated. Nothing is going the way he wants.

He decides to go to the store to buy a universal remote. He feels he needs some kind of simplicity in his life. One less aggravation. (I am not going to add all details in case you have not seen it). He goes into the back room of the store because he is looking for some help in finding the remote and he runs into an employee. He is offered this really cool remote.

So basically what happens is, he finds out that this remote controls his life. He can rewind to past experiences, fast forward through things he finds unpleasant, pause etc. At first he is very excited because he gets to really control his life. He can skip through all the bad things and mute out all of the unwanted noise.

So of course when things started to go wrong in his life he would just skip through it. Cool right? Well what do you think would happen if you could skip time and arrive at a place where you think you want to be? You lose time. You lose lessons, experience, happiness, achievement and much more.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

5 Easy Ways to Reduce Stress

Simple Stress Reducing Tips

Self Improve

We often wonder what we could do to help us live a happier, less stressful life. While there is not a magic solution we can buy at the store, there are little things that we can do daily to help us achieve this goal.  

1. Smile - If we smile we will feel happy. Even if we are sad. It helps to change our mood. If people around us see us smiling they will smile also. It is contagious. Spread a smile.

2. Get Fit - No we do not have to build huge muscles and obsess about creating the "perfect" body, but when do good things for ourselves, it helps to build confidence and self esteem. Just knowing that we are making a small change in our lifestyle can make a huge difference. Talk a daily walk, take an aerobic class, choose whatever it is you like.

3. Get plenty of sleep - Our body heals our mind and body as we sleep. It is essential to our health that we rest ourselves. Sleeping can also help us to maintain a healthy body weight.

4. Learn how to forgive others - Forgiving others is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. If we do not carry around anger and/or disappointment towards another then we will not feel that stress. Having ill feelings can cause us a lot of unnecessary stress. Learn how to deal with negative emotions and move on from any bad feelings that you may be carrying around.

5. Reward yourself - Yes, go out and buy that thing you have been wanting. No please do not buy a $100,000 car if you cannot afford it, but do go buy that purse you have been wanting or that movie you had your eye on. It is important to save our money and spend wisely, but if you never reward yourself for all the work you do then you start to feel like; What is the point?

In this article it will explain in detail lots of things that you can do to help reduce the stress and how easy it is to start enjoying your life.

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Sunday, July 15, 2012

Why Journal - Inspirational Pictures

Inspirational Pictures of Hope, Love and Faith to help get you in a good mood!

I have searched the internet and found some uplifting and inspirational pictures. Hope you find these comforting and helpful! Pictures on hope, love, quotes, spirituality and more.

Pictures can be worth a thousand words, and sometimes we can use them to lift us up, inspire us and to express our emotions.

** Please note that I have acquired these photos on the internet and they are not mine.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Why Journal - How to be Yourself-Self Help-Lesson #12

How to be yourself - Why it is important to be yourself.

This lesson goes hand in hand with lesson #11 - Having confidence. If you read that post, you would have read about feeling confident on the inside to show confidence on the outside, but this will go a little deeper. 

I believe that many of us just want to be accepted. We figure that if we act or behave a certain way then we will attract certain people. While this is true, if you study the behavior of a person and try to change yourself to be accepted by this person or group of people you will often find yourself unhappy in the end. 

I have a young child and she sometimes will watch movies about teenagers that are trying to fit in and be accepted by the "popular" group. The teenager will try and try to befriend this group and find that once they do, they are not happy at all. They will go through all the trouble to wear things they normally would not, go places they normally would not go, do things they normally would not do. But in the end they find that they really have nothing in common with these people after all. It usually turns out that he/she will go back to the friends they had. The ones who always stood by them and shared the same goals and dreams as they did.

The moral of my story is that while we should always try to work on ourselves to be the best that we can be, we should also be true to ourselves. Life is not about being in the "popular" group, especially if that group is not going to make you happy. Life is about being around people who you love and who love you back no matter what. 

Sometimes we tend to think that other people have it so much better than we do. We want what they have. But do we really? We have no clue on what goes on with other people on the inside or at home or in a relationship. We need to learn how to accept ourselves and be who we are. 

If we were all the same, if we were all friends, then there would not be any "special" relationships in the world. It would be so boring if everybody liked the same things. That is why we are so special. We are different.

So how can we be ourselves?

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Why Journal - Self Help Lesson#11-Showing Confidence

Love Yourself - Think confident and you will be confident

Caring about what other people think

Most of us have a problem with something about ourselves. It might be our frizzy hair, crooked teeth, big butt or whatever. We often allow these things to keep us from being who we really are, scared as to what other people might think or say about us. We will try to do what we can to hide that part of us, trying to cover it up so other people do not notice. Sometimes when we are not confident, it will cause us to shy away from social situations or even prevent us from excelling at what we are good at. 

Think about it, are you the type of person who always tries to stay out of the center of attention when in large groups or when you are around people you do not know, but when you are with your close friends and family you are totally outgoing and able to act yourself? When we are with people who we know care about us, we are free to be ourselves because we know we will not be judged and we understand that these people really know us for who we are, not for the huge zit on the middle of our face or the scar on our arm. Well we need to understand that every single person has something. Something that they do not like about themselves. But the difference between a confident person and a person lacking confidence is that the person with confidence has learned to except about themselves what they do not like. The way they think about it is, I am a person just like you, who is not perfect. If you do not like me for who I am, then I do not need to associate with you anyway. Would you really want to be friends or date a person who is so shallow that they dislike people for what they look like, and not who they are as a person? I know I would not like to be friends with a person like that.

Confidence in relationships

You will find this true in relationships as well. When you first meet a person, the first couple of months you are dating it is all about looking our best. Being funny and pleasing the other person. We want to make sure that we are "perfect". We want the other person to believe that we are confident and happy. We will try to hide all of our flaws so the other person does not see any of that. Of course I am not saying that we should not go out of our way to impress the people we are dating, I am not saying that we should not try to look our best and show our best personality. But the fact of the matter is, after we let our flaws out is when we feel most confident. After that initial "perfection" period is over and we can wake up in our sweat pants and with our frizzy hair and know that the person laying next to us loves us for who we are, not for what we look like is when we feel our best, that is when we feel safe and confident.

A lot of people tend to think that when we get to this point of a relationship, that the relationship is dying. That could not be further from the truth. It is when the actual relationship is starting. Of course we want to be attracted to our partner. And we do not want to get lazy or stop trying to impress the other person, but when you can be as sick as dog, look like you just got hit by a bus and then punched in the eye and your partner is still standing next to you telling you that you look wonderful, that is when we feel confident! That is when we know that this person loves us for who we are, not for what we look like!

Why we judge other people

Judging other people is a big sign of lack of confidence. We tend to talk down about other people and try to find flaws in others in order to justify the way we feel about ourselves. Usually when you find a person who is constantly talking down about other people, they have a deep issue. By finding things wrong with other people, it helps them to feel superior. They need justification for their imperfection. There is no need for us to be like that. 

The truth is that if we feel good about ourselves then that will shine through in our personalities. Not all of us are extremely social, and that is ok, but having confidence does not mean that it will change us into somebody that we are not, but it will allow us to be who we are without the fear of judgement from others. I know that you probably have heard this a million times, but in order for others to love you, you have to love yourself. 

How we feel on the inside

There are plenty of extra beautiful women and men out their who on the outside look amazing, but are lonely.  And then there are people who are your average Jane/John who are extremely happy, have a life full of friends and who always have dates. Why or how you wonder? It is all about how you feel on the inside. If you feel happy, you will act happy. If you feel beautiful others will see you as beautiful, but on the other hand, if you feel sad, people will see you as sad, if you feel ugly, people will see you as ugly. No matter what we look like on the outside, the inside always prevails.

A great example of this would be "famous people".  Most actors, actresses, singers etc. are good looking people. Or at least they pay to be good looking people. The pressure on these people is tremendous. They are expected to look good, always. And when they are caught being normal, it is posted all over the internet. They are expected to always be confident and look perfect. That is just not possible. So what if Jennifer Lopez went to the store without her makeup on. Big deal. Does she really have to spend an hour in the mirror prior to getting a coffee? That is just not fair. She is a person just like you and me. We wonder, why do these people who are so beautiful and who are rich, who have everything that they could ever want and dream of get so messed up? Why do they have all of these failed relationships? Why?  It is because they have to always care about what other people think. They have to play a role and live up to a certain standard because they are a celebrity. Guess what everyone, these people are human. They have issues just like the rest of us. They lack confidence at times also, but they are not suppose to show it. How hard do you think that is?  Most of the time they cannot be themselves, which does the opposite of giving confidence, it makes you lose confidence. So before we judge these people we should try to remember that on the inside they are made up of the same stuff we are. 

Accept yourself for who you are

So if you do not like something about yourself, remember that is ok. That is normal. But accept it. Let people see you for who you are, not for your flaws. Tell yourself everyday that I am beautiful inside and out. Just like the hot dog at the top of the page, tell yourself you are awesome! My outside does not make my inside, but my inside does make my outside! We are what we think we are. It really does not matter what other people think, what matters is what you think. If you think you are special people will agree with you!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Why Journal - Self Help Lesson#10-Enjoy Life

Learning to just enjoy life

Value your time on earth

I know that this sounds so much easier said than done, with the daily stresses of life and problems we encounter. How am I suppose to just enjoy life? We are always going to have trials and down times in our lives, its a fact of life, but we must keep in mind that our life here on earth is really not that long. We need to value and treasure the time we have here. Once we pass time, that is it, it is passed, we can never get it back. Sure we can try for a better future. In fact, we should always aim for a better future but we also need to try to live for today.

I am guilty of doing it myself at times. I will say, oh I will do it tomorrow. OK, maybe I will do it tomorrow, but what if for some reason I can't do it tomorrow or the next day or the next day? Then I would have missed out. If you want to go for something, go for it now. If you want to buy something, buy it now. I am not saying that you should go and spend all your money on this huge shopping spree, but if there is something that you really want, and you work hard, why not get it? You deserve it. Do not feel guilty. You might not get another chance in the future. Of course it is important to save for retirement, or have money to leave for your family, but if you can't ever get what you want, really what is the point of working so hard?

Same with goals. If you do not go for it now, how do you know that in the future you will have the same opportunities? You do not know. You deserve to be happy, so go for it.

Make time for enjoyment

Another thing that we need to remember. It is really nice to have a clean house, get our chores done, run errands that we are suppose to run, but do not let these things get in the way of doing something that you really want to do. If your friend has invited you to dinner and you do not want to go because you feel guilty that the house is a mess, forget the house. Who cares if it is dirty one more day? The mess will still be there tomorrow and you can get it done then. You have to make time for enjoyment. If you do not make time for it, you will never have it. In the end, when you look back on your life, you are more likely going to remember the funny thing that happened that night you went out to dinner with your friends, rather than the hours you took cleaning your house. Create memories, create good times. That is what we take with us when we go. People remember us for who we are, not for what we had, or if our house was a little dirty that one day. 

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Why Journal-Self help lesson#9-Accept Failure

Accepting Failure to Achieve Goals

Failing is how we grow

Nobody likes to fail and when we do we often get down on ourselves, feel bad or discouraged. Well I guess you can say we feel like a failure. But we have to fail in life. We can't accomplish everything every time. 

Failing is how we grow, how we make ourselves stronger. Every time we fail we learn something new. It should actually give us motivation to pick ourselves back up and try again. I know that can be extremely frustrating when we have tried something for a long time, but still seem like we are getting nowhere.

I say, do not get discouraged! Keep trying. Or change your plan a little. Start with a goal that is easy to reach. Then little by little try expanding your thoughts, try figuring out new ways to get to the place that you want to be. 

Write down your goals - Keep a journal

In other posts that I have written, I speak about writing out your goals, plans and dreams in a journal. It does help a lot. It will give you a written plan to follow, a guide. You can record what you are doing and your ideas. When you have new ideas, jot them down. Maybe it will be something you could use in the future. It will also help you to figure out any obstacles that are in your way or what things that you may be doing that are not working.

Sometimes our goals and dreams are ahead of us. That is another reason to write it down. Maybe your goal is not something that you can accomplish today, but maybe in the future you will be in the right situation to do it. 

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Why Journal -Self Help Lesson#8-Importance of Dreams, Hope, Desire and Faith

      Dreams, Hope and Faith - How they bring us happiness

Having a desire

We all have something that we hope for, that we dream of or that we desire. It can be something really small or it can be a huge desire that you have. Hope gives us something to look forward to. A goal to work towards. Something special to feel in our hearts. Hope really has to do with everything that we desire. All of these things go together. Usually it starts off as a dream that you have. It does not have to be the kind of dream you have when you go to sleep, but rather a thought or an idea in your mind. Then it turns to hope. You start to hope for what you have been dreaming about. The thought starts to get bigger and bigger. Soon it turns into a desire. A desire is something that we really want. A desire is a hope that has reached our heart. When you can feel this hope burning in your heart you know that it know an important desire in your life.

That is where Faith comes in. Really hope means nothing if you do not have faith. It does not matter if you have a religion or not, I myself am Christian and have faith in God, but no matter who or what you believe in, the important thing is to believe. We must have faith that we are able to achieve our dreams, hopes and desires.

Reasons why Faith is important:

  1. Faith is the act of believing that what you desire will happen without being able to see the evidence. Meaning, it can feel or look like what you hope for will never happen, but in your heart you believe that it will.
  2. Faith gives us motivation and strength to keep on hoping for what we want. It will give us a reason to work towards our goal. If you do not believe that something will happen then how hard do you think you would work towards achieving your desire?
  3. Having faith allows us to keep believing in something even when others try to put it down or tell you that it will never happen. 
Photo: -j-

Nobody said that faith was easy. It is actually quite hard to have faith. Especially when things are not going as you plan. It is easy to get discouraged and just forget about it. Or at least try. The thing about desires is that they are hard to get rid of. You can try and try to force a desire away, but believe me it always finds its way back to your heart. I know this first hand. There is something in my life that I have been holding on to faith for a long time. And there are times when I feel like just giving up on it, but I cant. It is locked inside my heart and I continue to have faith that this desire is suppose to be!

So if it is hard to have faith and hard to get rid of desires what should I do? The reality is, what you desire might take a week to happen or years. What we need to do is learn to change the way we think about this. Yes it is frustrating when things do not happen as quickly as we would like, or happen the exact way we were expecting, but try to look at the bigger picture. The more we desire something, the harder we will work. The longer it takes, the more we will learn. And once we receive what we want, think about oh how sweet it will be. 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Why Journal -Self Help #7 -Don't let others hold you back

Believe in yourself, don't let others hold you back

Today I was going to originally post about the importance of having hope and faith and why believing in yourself helps you to achieve happiness as well as your goals but now I will discuss that topic tomorrow.

Earlier this evening I was on a site in which you can give advice and post your website or any other site which is relevant to the topic that is being discussed. To make a long story short, every answer that I posted got reported to the community. I believe that somebody was going behind me an reporting me for some reason. I was getting a little frustrated to be honest. I was following all the rules and posting my true thoughts and advice.

I then stopped an realized that I cannot let this person upset me. I have to follow my own advice. I made my appeal to the community center and let what happens be.

There are always going to be people in this world who try to bring us down. There are going to be people who just do not like us or agree with us for whatever reason. We might not know why. There might be no justification for it, just like what happened to me today, but it is bound to happen. I will not let others control me or have any negative affect on doing what I love to do.

Let it go - Never give up

We cannot let what other people do stop us from being happy or stop us from trying to obtain the goals and the desires that we have in our hearts. People might knock us down, but we must learn to be strong and pick ourselves back up. If nobody else is cheering for you, that is ok. Cheer for yourself. Because you are the one living your life. People do things to us out of jealously or insecurity. And most of us are probably guilty of doing the same thing to someone at some point of our lives. Just remember that when we have obstacles standing in our way, when there are problems and things that hold us back, getting through those things are what make us stronger. It gives us more power and more motivation.

The point of my post today is to never give up on what you believe. Even if the odds are against you. Even if there are people who are trying to bring you down. Do what makes you happy! Fight for what you believe in. It is so rewarding when we work towards something and achieve it despite the odds.

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Friday, June 15, 2012

Why Journal -Self Help #6- Observe your surroundings- Changing Routine.

Changing your routine can make a difference in your life

Breaking routine

Most of us basically have a daily routine. For example my routine is pretty much the same during the week. I wake up at like 6:30 to the dog crying at my door to go out. I wake up, take out the dog, get my child up for school, take her to school, come home get ready for work, walk the dog again, go to work, pick up daughter from school, come home, cook dinner, do homework or play depending on if homework is done, do my computer stuff, go to bed and repeat the next day. Of course some of the time it changes a little, but that is the regular. 

My point is we are always so busy, always have something to do. There are so many beautiful things right in front of our eyes that we do not even notice. Sometimes it feels as if we do not even have a chance to breath. We are all guilty of routine. Busyness and stress just become a "normal" part of life because that is just the way it always is. But we have to remember that by always moving so fast we are missing so many things.

If you feel as if you have so much on your plate try changing things up a little. Maybe take the dog a different way next time you walk them or take a different route to work. Maybe you will see something different, something you never noticed before. 

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Why journal -What is Unconditional Love?

The meaning of unconditional love

The difference between love and unconditional love

Sometimes we wonder what is the difference between loving a person, and loving them unconditionally. Love is a feeling, it means we care about a person we feel strongly about that person, we like them. Loving unconditionally means you love with out any conditions. The difference? Most of us love our families and really close friends unconditionally. Not that these people in our lives never hurt us, or we will let them walk all over us, but when a family member or friend does something that hurts us we find a way to forgive them and move on. Our families are not perfect and there is going to be characteristics about them that we do not like, agree with or even understand. Despite the fact that we do not always agree with them, we accept them. We love them for who they are, not what they do. Most of the time when we first start a relationship and "fall in love", we are really only falling in love with certain aspects of them. We love the way they look, we love the way they kiss or we love the way they make us laugh. As a relationship grows and you learn more and more about each other, you will then find faults or things that you do not like about that person. In order to keep the relationship growing then you will have to accept the things about that person that you do not like. Like I said, you do not have to agree with those things, or even like those things, but you have to accept them. Unconditional love also does not expect anything in return. So if you need the person you love to love you back, then you do not love them unconditionally. I know that sounds crazy but it is true. This is very helpful when trying to figure out if you are still in love with an ex. Do you still love them even though they do not love you, or at least not showing you that they love you? If yes, then you love that person unconditionally, if no then you might just want to move on. 

This is a verse from the bible that I love. I believe it explains unconditional love perfectly! 

 1 Corinthians 13 
 New International Version 1984 
 1If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing. 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So the fact of the matter is, that we can have feeling for another, care for another, but unconditional love requires totally accepting another person for who they are. That kind of love is wonderful, to give and to receive!

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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Why journal -Self Help Lesson#5- Express your Emotions -Write it down! Easy ways to journal

Why it is important to express your emotions

Let your emotions out

Some people love to write in a journal. Some people hate writing, therefore never have tried it. I will let you know that keeping some sort of journal is not hard, even if you do not like to write. I myself love to write and once I start to write it goes on and on and on. I can fill a book in a day lol.. That is not always the case for all though.

First I will let you know that expressing your emotions is very important. Keeping things inside can be extremely frustrating and cause more stress to ourselves than a lot of other things. That is why I feel it is very important to have some release for those feelings. If you are able, I think that you should always let a person know how you are feeling. If you are angry with someone, explain it to them in a nice way. If somebody has made you sad, try letting them know that what they have done has hurt your feelings. But it can also be frustrating holding in your good emotions as well. I know that in all cases it might not be the best thing to tell somebody you love them. Especially if they are married with 5 kids, but sometimes we cannot help the way we feel and that happens. So if you have feelings for another person, you should let it out. What is the worst that could happen? They do not feel the same way? Maybe that might happen, but you will be getting the same results as if you never told them, but at least there is a 50% of something happening if you let it out. The odds are much better!

Photo: Sometimes the heart sees  and knows what the eyes can not or will not -j-

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Why Journal -Please Share Some of Your Life Lessons

Please post your comments and life lessons - Feel free to share

Share your inspirations

We all go through different things in life and we learn to deal with them in different ways. My blog as you know is all about what I have learned and what I have learned to do to reduce the stress in my life.

I would love to hear things that you have gone through and how you have changed your way of thinking. Your situation might help somebody else out there who is going through the same thing.

Also, please feel free to ask any questions. If you are going through something right now, I would love to be able to give you my advice and let you know what I would do in your situation.

Inspirational quotes, funny saying and things to lighten up the day are also welcome!

Here is something that was posted on Facebook that I though it describes unconditional love perfectly.

Any comments appreciated.

Why Journal -Self Help Lesson #4 - Don't sweat the small stuff

Do not let the little things in life get to you

Things are not always fair

So today I come home and there is a warning note on my door. I live in a condo and there are 3 separate buildings. Each building has a large area of grass in the back. One area which is mine has one of those games you play, I forget the name, horseshoes or something I do not know, and a couple of benches. One building has a pool behind it and the last one, just grass. Anyway there are like 100 condos I would say and only a handful of children live here. One of those children being my child. When I moved here I did sign some rules saying that there was no playing in the court yards. And yes I admit I did sign it. But I found that there were always children out there playing around. And what is great about it is that I can look out my porch door and see her. Back to the warning. It said that there is no playing in the court yard and that the children were moving some wood onto the lawn.YOU SIGNED RULES. And we have it on camera... Seriously? I was angry at first. And thinking about it still gets me a little upset. I mean what is the use of having all that grass and open land? To look at?  Really, what does it hurt to have children laughing and playing right outside where we can keep an eye on them? If people would stop making up these crazy rules and relax a little then life would be so much more joyful.

I went over to the Manager's wife and asked if my child was still allowed to stand outside at least. She says she thinks that would be fine but they cant play around. I am not going to dwell on it, or let it ruin my night but they should try using those cameras to catch the drug deals going on next door instead of innocent kids trying to play.

Don't sweat the small stuff

Why do we sweat the small stuff? We make little problems into big huge ordeals. We go to the store and they are out of what we want. We get upset or angry and sulk. The kid spills his drink on the floor. We yell like they just robbed a bank or something. The dog got into the trash and it is all over the floor, we get really angry. While these things might get us annoyed a bit, we should not let these little things in life add stress to our day. We do not need it. It is not worth it. So your store is out of what you want. They will get it again. You can go to another store. Your child spilled a drink. More than likely it was an accident. They did not pour the drink on the floor. Yes you have to clean it up, but if you spilled your drink would you want to be screamed at? The dog got into the garbage. It's a dog. It smells food. Put the garbage where they can't get it.
Not sweating the small stuff could go a long way. I bet if you kept a count of how many little things got you upset in a day there would be a lot. Instead take a deep breath and say, hey it could have been worse! If these little problems are the only ones you are encountering then be thankful not angry.

I say let the children be children, let the dogs be dogs and just relax a bit!

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Monday, June 11, 2012

Why journal -Self Help Lesson #3 - Stop Trying to Figure it all out.

Stop trying to figure it all out

We can't have an answer for everything

Yes we are suppose to figure out the things that happen to us in our lives most of the time. That is the way we learn and grow, but realize that not everything that happens to us will provide us with a reason or an answer. Our lives are like a puzzle. Our life starts off with a clean slate, really all the pieces are still in the box. As we grow up, we start adding piece by piece all the things and events that happen in our lives. Sometimes we will see an answer right away and realize why the circumstance happened. At other times it might take a while, a week, a month or even years later. But I am a big believer that everything does happen for a reason. Everything has its own place in our puzzle.

So if something has happened and you don't understand, do not dwell on it. The answer may come you to you, or it might not. I am guilty of this this. But I have learned to change it. If something happened to me and I did not know why, I would spend my days and sleepless nights trying to figure it out. When I realized that enough was enough and hours of countless worry was not helping me to figure it out, I decided I would just let it go. If I was meant to know why, then I would.

Here is an example: Let say that you are currently working and that you decided it was time to move on to something bigger and better. So you start going on interviews and find a position that you really like. You feel as if you really want to work for this company. The interview went really well and you are very confident that you will get the job. Then you get a call a couple of days later and they tell you that they have hired somebody else. Now you are really disappointed and upset and can't figure out what you did wrong or why you did not get the job. You replay the situation over and over in your mind, you try to figure out what it is that you could have done differently. My advice is let it go. What if you got the position, left your current job and when you got started your boss was the meanest-worst boss on this earth! You hate getting up in the morning and going to this new job and you wish and hoped that you could have your old job back. That would suck wouldn't it? That is why I say do not try to figure it out, might turn out that you are much better off.

Don't analyze everything

Trying to analyze every situation can drive us bonkers. But if we change the way we think we could reduce so much of that stress. 

Here is another quick example: Let's say you are driving to an important event. You are running really late and on top of it you are hitting all the lights, there is massive traffic and it is  making you later. You are probably really stressed now, and feel uneasy. I use to lose my patience in those situations as well, but what I started to realize is that maybe I was suppose to be late. Maybe if I would have left on time, I would have been involved in that accident that was causing the traffic or maybe I would not have run into that person in the lobby of that event that I had not seen in 10 years. What ever it is, remember that more than likely there was a reason. Don't stress over it, be thankful for it. These things are making your life "your life". 

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Sunday, June 10, 2012

Why journal-Self Help Lesson #2 - Why forgiveness is important

Why we should forgive others- Forgiving others will bring us happiness

Well in our self help lesson #1 I spoke about realizing that nothing you do will change the past. Basically you have to think of the future and realize that being happy has to do with how we think.

Why we should forgive others

I will break into two part. This lesson is all about forgiveness. Part A: Forgiveness. It is very important that we are able to forgive others for what they have done to us. Of course we are going to get upset with people, we are going to be mad and feel anger, but what you do after those initial emotions is going to make the difference between living a happy life or living with stress in our hearts. 

If you think about it, if you stay mad or angry at a person, how do you feel? When you wake up in the morning you can feel it, you are in a bad mood and grumpy. You can become bitter and always seem to be thinking about that anger and the reason why people did what they did.  Forgiving another person for what they did really has nothing to do with them. It has to do with yourself. If you stay mad you are giving the other person control over you and your life. You are allowing another person to make you feel bad. You are the one who is going to have a heart which feels like it has a ton of bricks sitting on top of it. My advice: Let it go. You do not have to communicate with the other person ever again, you do not even have to like them. You just have to say ok, what this person did was bad, and I cannot understand why, but I will not let it ruin my life. We will not always understand why people do what they do and wasting our time and energy trying to figure it out will not help. Sometimes people do things for no reason, so why bother giving them the satisfaction of controlling your emotions? What does not kill you will make you stronger, it is true!

Why we should forgive ourselves

Self Help Lesson #2B - Forgiving yourself. The same thing really applies here. We are going to make mistakes, we are human. We are going to do things that we are not proud of and things that we wish we could do over. But lets face it, we cannot do it over. We can only work to improve the future. If you have done something that you do not like, try your best to change yourself and not do it again. Ask the person that you hurt for forgiveness and if they accept, leave it alone. Move on. If they do not accept, realize that maybe that person was not meant to be in your life after all. We usually wind up hurting the people we love the most, most often. And if they feel the same then in time they will learn to forgive you and your relationship can become the same as it was before, maybe even stronger. If you dwell on the bad, then you will never be happy. 
Photo: sometimes in our journey through life we get hurt and hurt others - we betray their trust they betray ours - sometimes we don't know how to forgive - instead we harbor the hurt, the pain and we lack trust in that person - it holds us back in the long term - affects our lives and our future love - how to forgive ?  A little girl was asked what forgiveness is...
She gave a beautiful answer...
"It is the fragrance that flowers give when they are crushed..." Forgiveness is a sign that the person who has wronged you means more to you than the wrong they have delt. -j-
So basically forgiveness is very important. It will help to ease that heavy feeling you carry around in your heart and give you what you need in order to improve. 
The Art of Forgiving By Smedes, Lewis B.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Why Journal -Self Help Lesson #1 - Finding Happiness

Keys to finding happiness

We all have problems

So we all have our problems. We all have had our share of bad things happening to us. Me myself have been through some tough times in my life, from a parent dying when I was 16 to divorce, single parenthood, being broke, loving and losing the love of my life... And the list can go on and on. I know that there are times when we all feel that we cannot take it anymore. We feel like life is unfair and wonder why all of these things are happening to us. Believe me, I understand, I have felt that way myself at times. But I will tell you that life does not have to be like that. We can find happiness in everything. Though we will not always feel happy, there are little things that we can do for ourselves that will make things easier. Make it bearable. I have come a long way believe me. When somebody bothered me, or I was upset about something, the thing I wanted to do most was sit in my bed under the covers and cry. Not eat, just lay there and feel sorry for myself. I have come a long way. I feel like I have started this journey to a better life. To be strong and to improve the way I think. Not everyone believes in God so I will try to explain my life lessons so all can understand what ever you may or may not believe in. I feel that I can really help somebody by sharing the lessons I have learned throughout my own personal journey. These little steps can help you to improve the way you feel and make your life a little less stressful.